Here's one of the thing that plagues me. I feel like I'm never spending enough time actively playing with my children... And by playing I mean getting down on the floor and building blocks or playing with puzzles or having a puppet show or painting with them or whatever. Some of the reason for this is that I am busy with doing house stuff, some of it is because I think it's great when they can play on their own, but most of it - if I'm completely honest - is because I don't particularly love playing. I know, I know, that probably makes me a horrible mum because I should love playing with them and even if I didn't, I should just do it for them.
But here's the thing. I used to think I had to play with them *all* the time. And I think this was part of what made my life so stressful. I mean how can you get dinner ready and do the laundry and take care of the house when you're playing all day? I used to think all those things could wait and so I'd play and sit and talk but then I noticed how I was just at the kids' beck and call ALL the time - I was showing them no boundaries and that I was a person who was just there to meet their every need. Plus I ended up getting take aways half the time because even when I did attempt to cook, I was rushing around trying to get everything done before one of them called to me or cried and, well, you can imagine how stressful that would be! So I put aside all the housework, cooking, cleaning and laundry and tried to lower my standards but you know what? I was miserable and I was stressed, my kids were eating rubbish and I could never find anything when I needed it and that stressed me out even more!
So I have recently been told that it's good to do the housework while your kids are around - it teaches them how life really is. So I started up again but you know what I find? It seems like I'm always preparing a meal, cleaning up after a meal or loading/ unloading the dishwasher, hanging washing etc. I just don't even know where I can find the time or (energy for that matter!) to play a lot with them anyway!
And by playing I don't mean just interacting. I interact with them ALL the time. I talk to them and sing to them. We eat meals together and chat and smile. They are always in the same room as I am when I'm cleaning and they help me or play and ask me for help with whatever they are doing. My older boy helps me load the washer and hang the washing. I explain to them what I'm doing. I involve them. But what I'm saying is that I rarely actually get down on the floor with them and play with their toys.
So my question is this. How much time *should* we be actively playing with our kids? Is it ok to get the things done that are necessary for the smooth-ish running of a household of 4 people? Is chatting with them and involving them enough? Or should I be playing with them more? How much time do you spend playing with your kids? Please take my poll
Hmm, not sure how to take the poll...
ReplyDelete:D
oh duh! never mind i'm being rather blonde!
ReplyDeleteWhat a sincere and lovely post! Every family is different, but I know something that helps meeeee...is that I was once told, "Work and play are not mutually exclusive." I do my best to MAKE work play - so that it feels like we've been spending time learning and playing even when we've been accomplishing the potentially mundane. We "shoot hoops" of dirty socks into the laundry basket and play music and dance while we vacuum. I think play that is all for them is important too...but I also know that learning the value of work is part of what I want to teach my children - and I'd like to be remembered for being a hard working mother who loved what she did.
ReplyDeleteI don't remember my parents ever getting down on the floor with us and playing .. we had our little projects to do, colouring, playing with dolls etc. and I think it broadens the imagination and teaches them a tiny bit of independence at an early age. I was brought up the "old school" way and I turned out pretty good too, lol.
ReplyDeleteOur moms and grandmoms were very hard workers but there is a point where you can only do so much. I think putting so much pressure on yourself can actually work against you; you're stressing out and feeling guilty and that's a very unhappy place to be. You are there for them and they know they're very loved and very secure ... you don't have to beat yourself up mentally and physically ... let them play and "make up" games on their own .. there is nothing wrong with that! A child's imagination is such a wonder!!! Let go a little and the mind will follow ... I know you are a good mom :o))