I would say that for the most part, I am happy. Like actually happy, not just not depressed. I never in a million years thought I would be able to say that but it's true. I am happy again, have my zest for life back and get excited about all the small things that used to excite me. Even when things weren't terrible when I had PND (and of course didn't realise I had PND), I mean when things were ok but not 100%, I honestly thought that my life would NEVER get better. I used to always say 'I can't see how things could possibly get better, only how they could be mildly less bad'. That was pretty much my tag-line and I said it to everyone.. until someone finally told me to get some medication!
But I digress. I like to think I've closed that chapter in my life and that everyone has bad days and it's all just part of life. Very true. But today I had a bad day and I don't remember bad days before my pnd being as bad as this. It's not the fear that the pnd is back or anything.. it's just that total lethargy that I feel when I have days like this. And I never used to feel that way. But then I also never used to get woken several times a night haha!! That could be part of it too.
BUT I did say to myself today that I just need to take it easy on myself. Even if my depression is a thing of the past, I still am on the road to total recovery and I need to cut myself some slack. So right then and there I decided to put everything on my to do list on hold, the kids were asleep so I put on Desperate Housewives, spoke to my husband and then started cutting fabric for a duvet cover I'm making my son. I didn't feel 100%, but I definitely felt a lot better! And I no longer felt like I 'couldn't make it' to the end of the day.
Well done you. From what I read...and from what I know, I think you can take from today that instead of curling up and really singing deeper into the crappy feeling you were getting, like you would have once done, you made some really really good CONSCIENCE decisions to not sink and to do something constructive to distract your mind. So, while you mightve had a really shit day and felt exhausted and all those things, you approached your day in a relatively "normal" non-pnd way! YAY for you! well done!!...ps...you also went for a run right?? This would have worn you out! but is also something else you achieved today!! WHOOP!
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