Take it easy on myself

Just when I get back in to writing, I go through a few bad days.  I haven't wanted to write because I think to myself 'I am past this, PND is a thing of the past'.  I hate to admit that maybe it isn't.  And I don't want to overthink things so I go about my business and try to get by all the while just feeling dread, stress, down....  I was just sitting here dreading when the kids get home and I called my husband to chat.  Thankfully he's so great, just listened to me and asked me what I thought it was.  I said it could be a number of things, that I want to work but haven't done my CV yet, that maybe I am stressed about going to work.. it could be anything.  I hate trying to figure it out and am not really convinced that's the best route anyway.  I told him I was stressing because I should be working on my resume but he told me to just take a break.  So I did, and watched a tv show.

I'm feeling a bit better now but it also dawned on me that I have had a rough couple of weeks - pnd or not.  I've got the kids with a care giver 4 mornings a week (Mon - Thurs) for 3 hours in the morning.  Last week the carer went away which means I had the kids Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon which was a lot for me.  Yesterday was their first day back and I joined Weight Watchers (oooohhhh more on this later!) and that took up my whole morning.  Today I did the groceries, ran some errands etc etc so it's no wonder I'm feeling a bit down.  There hasn't been much time for me at all and on my 'time off' I've just had to get heaps done.  To top it all off, little Nicky has been going through his 12 month clingy stage and I literally can not put him down for long periods of time, and when he starts to get tired he cries when I even go to put him down.  He's been waking in the night again and so I've been going to bed early to try to combat it which means little time after the kids have gone to bed for me/ me and hubby... and then of course waking in the night... it's really no suprise that I'm a bit down.

So I just realised that maybe I need to take it easy on myself.  Ok I've decided to work and I've not done much about it yet - but it's still early days - only made the decision late last week and haven't had much time to do anything really!  Though even in saying that I 'feel' like I could've made time.  But this is where I need to just relax on myself.  I don't need to do everything RIGHT NOW.  This is who I am now, I need to release the pressure.  I also have a ton of responsibilities (feeding the family, running errands, taking care of the house etc etc) so I can't just drop everything to write up my resume.  Plus I need to still take care of myself as a top priority. 

I read this quote yesterday and re-read it today and think it fits: 

"Feeling low?  'The more you understand and accept yourself, the better equipped you'll be to manage stress, life problems and relationship issues.'  This means no more negative self-talk or comparing yourself.  Aim to be the best version of yourself - and no-one else." 

I really like that.